Complete, Nevermore
by Herleker
Summary: Kane is feeling lost in the world, wanting something to live for, someone to live for. And that someone is closer then he thinks. Includes Kane,Batista,Raven,The Undertaker, adn more. slash
1. Edge of the Earth

_**Complete, Nevermore**_

Staring at black water surrounding me, I let my body painfully shiver, I'm to cold inside to care anymore, to dead inside to care anymore. I let myself get this drained of feeling, let myself lose myself. I'm not me anymore, I don't think I ever was, at least it doesn't feel like it now. I'm not sure I want to know who I am though, what if I hate it more then this shell I am now? Could I go back? Probably not. I wish I had the strength or enough will to end it all but I haven't gotten to that point yet. I run my hand in front of me to see if I could make the water ripple, I know it did, I just can't see it because of how dark it is. I look across this body of water and see nothing, wanting to see something worth living for. I don't want to stay alive for everyone else, I want to stay alive for me. It's like an old person who's being kept on life support, they shouldn't be kept alive for they're family's sake, if they had something worth living for then they should be kept alive. And most of the time they don't have anything except for family members having false ideas about them coming to and being healthy again.

I wish so much to be different, but change is so hard, and so hard to deal with. Honestly, I just want to be happy, I don't think I have ever been truly happy, loving life and loving myself has never come to me. I just want to feel something other then this never ending hatred for what I've become, because that hatred is what's killing me, killing me slowly, killing me brutally.

Then I can see, they sky lightened. It should only be around 3 o'clock, why has the sky lightened? But soon I feel cold soft flakes dropping on me, falling from the sky. Its snowing, and I'm at the beach waists deep in the water, but I don't care, its so beautiful, and I cherish anything that can look beautiful, because I know I never can. The cold starts to get to me so I turn around and walk out of the water, walk off down the beach, watching the snow fall about me, fall into the never ending water.

After about a half hour of walking I get to where I parked my car, freezing, not wet from the water anymore, but wet from the snow falling and melting on my skin. I see a slight blue coming into the sky, I smile, loving it. Wishing my life could get brighter and brighter like the sky does, but then again, the sky gets darker and darker as well. I smile at the keys left in the lock on the car, good thing I forgot them or I would have to walk to a pay phone, but having no change either wasn't going to help. I get into my car, upset that I couldn't find my clothes on the way back and I was going to drive back to the hotel in my boxers. Turning the radio on in my rented car I let whatever cd I had in play. It was the string quartet tribute to Nine Inch Nails. I smiled at knowing the real versions and singing along even though these versions didn't have any lyrics.

When I get to the hotel parking lot I park the car and just stare at the building. My card key for my room was in my pants, that are on that beach somewhere, and I don't feel like bothering anyone at 4 in the morning to let me into my room. I feel myself start to nod off and snap my head back up. I guess I'm going to have to sleep in the car, tomorrow should be fun. I get out of the car and open the door for the backseat because I know myself well enough that I wouldn't have been able to climb over the seat.

In my dream I was a fish, swimming and happy. It seemed I had the whole ocean to swim in, water passing in and out of my gills feeling odd but good after a while. Then I swam into a glass wall. I swam frantically, seeing that there were four walls, making this a glass prison. Then I heard a loud banging and saw the image of Mark , seeming giant like, laughing as he banged his fist against the glass, did he know how loud it was? Was he enjoying annoying me like that? Soon the banging started to hurt my ears, I swam in circles, twisted, and soon just fell, still hearing that banging.

I woke up in my car, sitting up to see Mark at the window banging on it to wake me up. When he saw that I was up he stopped the banging. I pressed my palms against my eyes and pushed hard in and up trying to wipe the sleep from my face . When that's done I wait for my vision to start popping back in from the temporary blindness I just caused myself. Mark looked scary, not angry, just scary. Dark and worried. I leaned forward and opened the car door for him.

"Hey man," I said groggily as he bent over to see into the car.

"Why the hell did you sleep in your car?" he said, eyes still dark, I hate when he looks at me like that.

"Er, I went to the beach and took off most of my clothes and couldn't find them again." I said, tilting my head lightly and smiling a slightly crazed smile, it turned to a happy smile quickly, wanting him to think there was nothing wrong.

"Why did you go to the beach?" no fucking around, as usual. I never like answering his questions.

"Mark, can we please talk about this later? I just slept in a car and my back hurts, and I don't have any clothes," he gave me an accusing glare "so can you be a dear and go and get me some?" I said winking at him. He lifted his head up so that the sun could shine on it. He had bags under his eyes and he looked really tired.

"Funny, I couldn't sleep at all." his lips pursed together slightly. I furrowed my eyebrows, feeling guilty.

"Sorry," I said weekly, deciding I'd rather look at my fingers then at him. They were dry and rough, and so fucking huge.

"Fucking look at me when I'm talking to you, Kane." I snapped my head up, I hated that he could do that to me, make me feel guilty for going out by myself. Its more of what I was thinking about doing.

"Mark, can this please wait?" I said pleading with him, keeping eye contact with him, which was hard enough, I would have to argue my point while looking into those eyes, and I know I'd probably cower out of it. Mark has a control over me, actually over everyone really, that he could get his way and make you feel guilty for doing something he doesn't approve of.

"I'll get your clothes," he said smiling.

"Really..?" I said warily, wondering why he had gotten a mood change like that.

"Yeah, just meat me in the lobby," he smirked, stood up and slammed the car door shut.

"Bastard.." I said under my breath.

I waited about 10 minutes, thinking about going into the hotel...I knew I didn't have any clothes in the car...so I really had no choice. Then I saw Batista walking across the parking lot with his duffle bag.

"Batista!!" I said after opening the car door. He looked around confused for a second then located the noise. He looked confused as to why I was calling him. "Come here, I need to ask you something."

"What is it Kane?" He started to say then he looked at me.. "What happened to your clothes?" he said accusingly...like I was with a girl or something...

"It's not anything like that, I went to the beach and I took off my clothes to go into the water, and I lost them." I said, noticing the snow every where for the first time, and realized how cold it was in the car, I don't know how I manage to block these things out.

"So that's where you were, Mark was going half mad wondering where you were last night. He was coming into everyone's hotel room asking if they knew where you were. He went out driving looking for you, I think he came back about an hour ago." he explained.

"Really?" I said, feeling even more guilty then before.

"Yeah," he said adjusting his sweat pants. Just fidgeting really. "So what did you want?" he said looking back at me.

"Well, as you can see I don't have any clothes, and we're about the same size so I was wondering if you had anything I could burrow. Just pants would be good.." I said, feeling odd asking a favor of someone, I never like to impose.

"Um, yeah. I got sweat pants and a shirt, no extra shoes though, sorry." he dug into his bag and handed me the clothes.

"Thanks man, I really appreciate it." I slipped on the pants and shirt, enjoying the warmth of it against my cold skin.

"Anytime, just give 'em back at the arena tonight." he said, half smiling.

"Shit, there's a show tonight isn't there." I said, hitting myself in the head for being so forgetful.

"Yeah," he said laughing lightly. " Maybe you should take some time off, you seem to be really stressed lately."

"Nah, I'm fine. I'm just...feeling a little odd, I'll be back to normal in a few days, so no worries." I smiled, trying to make him believe what I was saying.

"Okay, good. Well I'm going off the gym so I'll see you later." and with that he walked off. I stared after him and watched him leave the parking lot. He was really nice about everything, maybe I should be a little more trusting of the people I work with. I locked the doors and got out of the car. The ground was a little rough but bearable. The snow on the ground was freezing my feet and I smiled with relief as my feet met the carpet in the hotel lobby. Interesting thing is Mark wasn't in there waiting for me. I talked to the lady at the desk and told her I had lost the key to my room. She asked me a few questions about my credit card I.D. etc. She got me a new one and I walked up the stairs to my room on the second floor.

I walked in and plopped down on the bed. It was so warm in here, and the mattress was actually comfortable, not stiff like most hotels have and I was very grateful for that. I took a glance at the little alarm clock on the dresser and it said 11:00, and I was contemplating taking a nap before the show, but I knew it was a bad idea to risk it, knowing that I could sleep into tomorrow because of how exhausted I felt. Sitting up I remembered I also had a plane to New Jersey tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. Cursing to myself I got up and went into the bathroom to take a shower. Turning the faucet so it would be very hot, hopefully it would soothe the cramps in my back that I got from sleeping in that car. I undressed and turn to look at myself in the mirror before going into the shower. I noticed that my stomach was a little pudgy, still ripped, but there was some fat there, probably from neglecting to work out (besides the choreographing for my matches) in a month. I just rinsed of the smell of the sea off of me and let the water hit my back for a few minutes.

After I dried off I lazily lied backdown, I was feeling so tired, maybe because I hadn't eaten anything since lunch the day before. I forced myself to sit up right again and grabbed my brush off the dresser and started to tackle my tangled mass of hair. It took about 20 minutes for me to get it as knot free as I wanted it to be. I shivered at the little drops of cold water falling from my hair and gliding down my body. Then I sneezed. Over and over again. When I stopped for a moment my head was pounding. Well, what else did I expect from going swimming in January?

I finally got off my bed and got dressed in black jeans and a long sleeve grey WWE shirt. Made a few phone calls to get an antibiotic so I wouldn't be sick during the show. In about an hour a doctor came to my door, gave me a shot and some pills to take every 3 hours. I thanked him as he left. I packed everything so I wouldn't have to do it in the morning, and after everything was done it was around 6:00 so I put on sweatshirt (having left my coat on the beach) and headed out the door. And what can I say? RAW was RAW, I was feuding with triple H and I only sneezed once, and that was when I was knocked down so no-one really saw it. I didn't stop and talk with anyone I just wanted to get back to the hotel and sleep.

When I got back to the hotel I didn't bother turning on any lights, I just fell on my bed and dragged some covers over me and wanted was so close to falling asleep. Then I heard a knock at my door. It took me a moment to get out of my bed but I did and opened the door a bit to see who was out there.

"Hello Mark," I said, wishing he wouldn't look at me like that.


	2. Never wanted anything more

**Nevermore, Complete**

Raven's POV

I'm a bird, looking at a black and red fish swim, being happy, the air filled with snow, and the snow looking like it was made of light. I go to fly towards the fish, to say hello if I can. But I bump into a glass wall. I tap on it with my beak, trying to get the fish's attention. But then the tapping isn't coming from me anymore, its coming from somewhere else. I go to fly towards it, but all of a sudden I have no wings, I start to fall. As I fall I hear a voice singing, No life, no love, no dreams, no reason to remain, no eyes, no vision, no pain, no nothing.

I sat up quickly realizing the banging was real. The hotel radio playing my Crüxshadows cd.

"Raven! Raven Wake up!" Mark's voice almost pleads behind the door. I slowly climb out of the bed, shivering at the cold of the room against my naked body. I picked up the blanket to wrap it around myself as I headed towards the door. The banging and yelling hadn't stopped, and I realized I didn't make any response that I was there.

"What's up?" I hear myself say groggily as I open the door. Mark looked a mess.

"Have you seen Kane?" he said urgently. Kane...I wish I had.

"No, why what's wrong?" his eyes darkened with worry. He let out a heavy sigh.

"Don't worry about it, just if you see Kane, tell him I'm looking for him, alright?" he seemed so desperate and caring.

"Yeah, sure thing." I didn't want to upset him with any questions so I let him walk to the next door where John Cena was staying. Closing the door I wrapped the sheet more tightly around myself, shivering, turning on the light so I could see the thermostats. I winced at the light and slowly let my eyes get used to it. It read 70 degrees, and I was still freezing. I left the light on as I wandered back to my bed. Curling up in the blankets I glanced at the clock, 2:30 am. Should go back to sleep, I had a match the next day, early flight the day after. I stretched, shivered, and hid back under the blankets for a moment. Tossed and turned, finding it hard to get back to sleep. I found the strength and will to stand up and cross the cold room to retrieve my picture of Kane from my duffle bag. It was him and me, we had just been passing by each other in a hallway when Kat asked us to take a picture together. His smile was a lie, mine wasn't. I was so happy to be that close to him. Kat had given me a copy of it because I was with her when she got them back from the one hour photo in some convenience store in Texas. It was slightly crinkled from me holding it while I slept, from me rolling over onto it in my dreams.

I turned the light switch off and went back to bed, still holding it, hoping that holding it would make me feel warm, and keep Kane safe from any danger he might be facing, or putting himself through.

I woke up feeling cold, I had another dream that I was an angel trapped underneath ice while I watch a blazing fire above me. My dream faded to black and I slowly opened my eyes to see me and Kane looking at me through the picture. I picked it up and put it on the night stand. I got up and dressed quickly, figuring the faster I get dressed the more time my body will have to heat up the clothes on me. I chose a new pair of jeans, combat boots, a long sleeve kabuki t-shirt and tattered flannel lined, leather shelled jacket.

I walk over to the window and see Mark crossing the parking lot from Kane's rented car, yes, I know what kind of car he rents in each new area. The door is left open and I stare at it for a little while and I see Batista coming into my vision. His head turns and he walks towards Kane's car, there's some fumbling around and Batista walked away, struggling with his bag for a moment before getting in his car and leaving. I watch a little while longer and Kane steps out and he takes long awkward steps through the snow only wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants. I sigh heavily, the cold has no power over him, nothing seems to. He's like a god that can't be touched by things on this planet, but feels emotional pain more then any other, so untouchable physically but broken mentally. I want to try and fix him, ease the pain that makes him hide from everyone, makes him hide himself fearing if he opened himself in the slightest someone will damage him, making him never want to come out of hiding again. But why should he trust me with that? I let people in to hurt them, and I've also been hurt by people I've allowed to get close to me. How can someone like me help someone like him?

Moving away from the window I sigh, dropping to the floor and curl up into a ball, holding my knees as close to my chest as possible. The back of my neck leaned against the window making my body spaz from the cold. I move myself in between the bed, the wall, and the night stand. I love him, I adore him. Its funny how the only thing I'm afraid of is telling him how I feel, when I'm never afraid of telling anyone what's on my mind. I can't speak when I'm near him, I freeze up, I try not to go near him and just admire from afar. I want to tell him how I feel, but I don't want to scare him, he's just so fragile, and knowing me I wouldn't be able to control myself around him. I wanted to cry, watching him in such pain and being to scared to even attempt to help him with it kills me. Its like watching a wolf fumble with a sharp stick stuck in its leg, you want to help but if you go to close it'll probably bite your hand off.

Leaning my head backwards I let my tears sink back into my eyes, taking calming breaths I get up, grab my car keys and leave. I was afraid of bumping into Kane somewhere in the halls or on the elevator so I took the stairs in big leaps, bumping into a maid smoking, and practically ran for my rental car. I couldn't be in the same building as him, I needed fresh air, needed to get away.

My car's an old school Volkswagen, with side paneling and everything. I thought it was cute. I missed my green hearse but it would be to much of a struggle to bring it with me everywhere. Shivering from the cold outside I turned the heat all the way up as soon as I turned the car on. But I'll forgive the cold for now because it gave me snow. I turned on the cd player and let whatever cd it was play on shuffle. Except for the first time, I always listen to cd's on shuffle, I tend to learn the songs better that way. Turning the volume up so it was blasting and making the car vibrate with the sound I speed along the highway taking random exits, knowing I had hours to lose myself and find my way back again, or have someone come find me.

As I listened to the whining guitars I took awkward twists and turns, finding myself at a beach. Pulling into the parking lot I scratched my head and turned off the car. How is it that I managed to find the coldest place to be at in Connecticut?

Shutting of the car, the heat being turned off with it I contemplated what to do. The sun was very low because of the season, so the snow wasn't melted, and that grey look the sky gets when it snows was still lingering, making me wonder if it was about to snow again. Opening the door and stepping out I stood still for a moment, trying to let the shock of the cold settle, after that happened I notice tire tracks near where I parked. Who else would come to the beach in January?

Stepping onto the snow covered sand I walked slowly, shivering at the feeling of the wave's breeze hitting me. But I was becoming numb, so soon none of this wouldn't matter. Heck, I don't job to the weather, this is just something I'll have to get over. It's extremely beautiful though, worth the freezing pains. Turning to look out at the water it reminded me of my mother, how she was so beautiful, yet so cold and empty. She was the water and everyone else was the sand, the waves beating relentlessly on the sand but without the sand the water wouldn't even be there. But that doesn't matter, as long as it can continue what its doing why should it bother with anything else?

But my thoughts were stopped when I tripped and caught myself before I fell. Looking back I saw a jacket lying in the snow, it looked vaguely familiar. Walking back to it I kicked it lightly with my foot, if it wasn't what I though it was I didn't really feel like touching it with my bare hands. But under close examination some butterflies flew into my stomach. It was Kane's, simple black down feathered coat. Picking it up and throwing it over my shoulder I got a flash back of this morning when Batista had fumbled with his bag and Kane was only wearing sweat pants. He was probably here and went..swimming or something. I decided to walk a little further and almost greeting me was a shoe sticking out of the snow. Again it was simple and black, it had the three adidas stripes on it. Turning the other way I found the other one. This continued to me finding a shirt on top of pants and sweatshirt with the WWE logo on it.

So Kane likes to go night swimming...in January. What a strange man. Holding his clothes close to me chest I walk back to my car. The car hadn't cooled off to much while I was walking so the heat went back to the way it was quickly. This is perfect way to break the ice, I'll give him his clothes, we can get to talking because I'm sure it's natural to wonder why one of your co-workers was swimming in winter, right?

The idea of talking with came kept me floating the whole night. Even being reminded that I've been bumped to Heat didn't effect me, I wrestled and won against some new jobber, as hard as I try I can't remember that boys name. It'll come to me. I sat backstage and watched RAW up to Kane's match. I got my stuff together and left.

"Wow, what's the hurry Rave?"

"What?" I turn to see who's talking to me. It's Jeff Hardy.

"What's the hurry? You practically knocked me over, man." He had paint smeared all over him and his eyes looked glazed.

"You sure it was me and not you tripping over your own feet?" I spat this out bitterly, this kid's such a mess. He gave me a hurt look.

"Whatever.." He said and started to walk away. I felt bad all of a sudden. I mean, he is a kid, and he's been contracted with this business before he even graduated high school.

"Hardy," I speed walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder."

"What?" he says impatiently yet with a tired drawl to it.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so rude, it's just..." My eyebrows and mouth frown together, how can I say this without hurting him further?

"It's just what, Raven?" he looks like he's about to get pissed.

"Listen, if you need someone to talk to, to vent to, I'll be there for you man. Many guys have been where you've been and a lot of times it doesn't end pretty. There are people here for you, Jeff."

"Right," he barely says and turns to walk away. I grip his shoulder harder and walk in front of him and stick my head in his face, forcing him to look at me.

"I mean it, there's no need to go through hard times alone." He gives me a slightly crumpled look and turns his head away and down. "Think about it, kay? I mean what I say, Jeff, you can talk to me."

"Maybe," he looks up into my eyes then starts to walk away, I let him this time. I put the offer out there, wether he complies to it or not is his choice. I sort of hope he does for his own sake, but I'm not completely sure I want to be a therapist to Jeff Hardy.

When I turned to head out again I saw Kane walking down the hall the cut of the hall way I was in. I went to walk towards him and was stopped by Stevie.

"Hey Rav, can you help me out for a sec?"

After helping Stevie with a promo for the longest half hour of my life, I left the arena. I barely payed attention to wear I was going, it didn't matter where I was because I had somewhere better to be. Pulling into the hotel parking lot I took the elevator to my room, fidgeting like a madman the whole time. I threw my crap into my room and got Kane's stuff. I took the stairs to his floor then walked slowly to his room. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door three times.


End file.
